Friday, February 22, 2008


strange oddball characters have been emerging in my writing of late. here's something i quickly wrote up recently. warning: it's somewhat bloooody

untitled (and unfinished.. but it's what i have now)

imagine a survey question: why don't you floss everyday?
a) laziness
b) forgetfulness
c) don't care
d) other

99.9% of the non-flossing adults select one of the first three options. i select (d), other. my 'other' is 'blood' -- if i flossed everyday there wouldn't be blood, and for me, the joy of flossing is the taste-my-blood experience.

your jaw that has dropped in horror? push it back up. there is a rational reason for this behavior, and you will be convinced when i'm through.

you, the snob you are, drink wine. you wax on about the buttery flavors, the caramel, the big mouth, the hint of cardamom. if i told you there was a liquid finer than wine you would laugh and look at me as if i were a child drinking grape juice. silly boy, you'd say. one day, you'll come around.

well, i did come around, but not to wine. i learned that i make my own sweet nectar. it happened many years ago. i just had the most fabulous rare steak in my life -- pink, tender, juicy. that steak brought me near heaven. five days later i found it.

in the bathroom, i looked in the mirror and saw a bit of swelling around my upper front teeth. 'hmm, not good,' i thought, 'time to floss.' so i wrapped the waxy string around my fingers and went to work. i watched in the mirror as the blood started to trickle down my tooth -- it fell and hit my tongue and the most wonderful taste of aged beef, iron and caramel enveloped me. i was shocked. my tongue darted to my front teeth and voraciously scrubbed the blood off -- more heaven. what was this? i panicked. could i be safe in the wilderness if i tasted so good?

indeed, this tasty blood may sound wonderful -- the best liquid to drink on earth is coursing through my veins. but all i could imagine, at first, was the horror of knowing that i would be feasted upon by my fellow humans if only the knew. for the next two weeks i walked around with band-aids and a strong fear of being discovered.

but then i flossed again, after two weeks, and the blood was mediocre, even bad -- the worst two buck chuck ever! what had happened!?!


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